Guide Talks – 面白い英語トリビア教室　Wacky-Young

雨の日に　（日本語訳）

“In Japan, there is a concept called a ‘Rain Guy.’ Whenever this guy appears for an event or a trip, it rains. Unfortunately, he brings rainy weather to every happy occasion. I think there are some Rain Guys here today. I am, however, a ‘Fine Weather Guy,’ who brings fine weather. So, rest assured, the weather will be fine today.”
“When it rains, it is always heavy, so a sea of rain puddles forms on the ground. This is not a good look. But in a city like this, you might see beautiful scenery, instead: a sea of plastic translucent umbrellas. This kind of view can be seen only here in Japan.”
“Japan is a rainy country. Our lives are deeply affected by the rain, so there are over 400 words related to rainy weather. In general, we call rain ‘Amé.’ Now it is Amé. But more specifically, this is called ‘Shíguré,’ which means a temporary, on-and-off light rain from late autumn to early winter.
“It is raining today. Rain might spoil a fun trip atmosphere? But rest assured. I am a descendant of ninjas. I will stop the rain with my magic powers, so let’s see what happens. (Actually, I know it will let up since I watched the weather report.)”
“It is raining today, unfortunately. But Japanese people can appreciate the beauty of rainy scenery. It is often used as a motif in art. Today, as we travel near the mountains, you will see them partly covered with mist. It might impress you as being like an ink painting, a traditional Japanese art form.”

地震と火山　（日本語訳）

“Japan is an earthquake-prone country, so you might be afraid of earthquakes. But rest assured. Let me show you the probabilities. Provided you stay in Japan for one month, the probability of death caused by an earthquake is 0.000004%—which means one out of 25 million. Meanwhile, the probability of death by traffic accidents is 0.00018%—or one out of 550 thousand. Compare 25 million against 550 thousand. About 50 times. So, you should actually be more careful when you are crossing the street or travelling on the bus.”
“It is believed in Japan that a huge catfish underground causes earthquakes. Japanese cuisine is well known for fish dishes, but we rarely eat catfish. Probably, we are careful not to make the catfish angry.”
“Welcome to Cue-Shoe Island. The volcanoes here are very active. Their activity has formed unique geological features. Let’s appreciate these magnificent views created by the volcanoes.”
(In Sakurajima island) “You see a shelter along the road. That is a shelter in case a big eruption happens and large rocks and dense ash fall. But it can hold only 10 people. Out of the guests here today, only ten people can be saved. To the rest of you—just, ‘I’m sorry.’

時間厳守（日本語訳）　

“Punctuality is one of the features of Japan. If a train is only one minute late, we get angry. Of course, I do. We call this Shinkansen punctuality. Shinkansen runs exactly as scheduled. “
“If the meeting time is 10:30, to the Japanese, it means 10:25. We call it the ‘5-minute-early’ rule. So, today, I would like you to do as the saying goes, ‘When in Japan, do as the Japanese do.’ Thank you very much in advance.”

礼儀正しさ（日本語訳）　　

“I think you may have seen Japanese people bowing again and again (with this gesture). I can guess the major reason why. When two people face each other, of course, they bow (with the gesture of two hands lowered). Then, one raises his head but finds the other’s head still lowered (with the gesture of one hand raised), and hurriedly lowers his head again (with the gesture of the raised hand lowered). Then, the other raises his head, sees the partner’s head lowered, and hurriedly lowers his head (one hand up and down). This is repeated (both hands up and down respectively again and again). That’s why!”
“Japanese people bow even while talking on the phone (with the gesture of talking on the phone, saying, ‘Yes… yes… yes…’).”
“The angle of the bow is very important. The deeper the angle, the more respectful it is. With an angle of 15 degrees, it is just a greeting (with the gesture). With 30 degrees, it is a respectful greeting to a superior or an elderly person (with the gesture). With this angle (45 to 90 degrees), it is a deep apology or deep gratitude. (Turn sideways and bow at 45 degrees) Everyone, thank you for the trip today.”
“When you visit Toe-daijí Temple in Nara or Itsukushimá Shrine in Hiroshima, the deer there will bow to you before getting food from you. Even the deer in Japan are very polite.”

ウォッシュレット（日本語訳）　　

“When you use a smart shower toilet, you will find many buttons. You might feel like you are in the cockpit of a spaceship. If you push the wrong button, in the next moment, you might find yourself in outer space.”
“Smart toilets are not as popular outside Japan as they are here. This is the main reason why I don’t want to travel abroad.”

エスカレーターで片側（日本語訳）

“Standing on one side of the escalator is a Japanese custom to make space for people in a hurry. But actually, authorities such as railroad companies and department stores ask us not to do this because it can be dangerous. But it seems nobody follows this request. It is a very rare case in Japan to ignore an order from the authority.”
“When you are in Ohsaka, be careful about which side you stand on. In Ohsaka, they stand on the right side, while everywhere else it’s usually the left side. If you stand on the left side there, you might get punched or kicked from behind. So, be careful!”

赤色と黄色　（日本語訳）

“If a restaurant sign along the road is red, yellow, or a combination of the two, it is likely a Rah-men restaurant. Rah-men originally came from China, where the red color means good fortune and yellow means royalty. Also, psychologically, these two are appetizing colors. I think that McDonald’s also knows this psychology and uses red and yellow. Mài dāng láo！(Tài bàng le!) Nǐ hǎo！
“Making a slurping sound while eating noodles, including Rah-men, is not considered bad manners in Japan. Rather, it is seen as a way to say, ‘Chef, this tastes good!’”

田んぼの風景（日本語訳）

“Outside, rice paddies stretch out before us. They are divided into small rectangular units. On average, one unit is about 1,000 square meters, 31 meters by 31 meters, producing a one-year supply of rice for ten people.”
“Rice paddies show us different beauty each season. In June, when they are filled with water before planting, mirror-like surfaces stretch out. Beautiful! In summer, the paddies take on a vibrant green color. Beautiful! And in October, at harvest time, they turn completely golden. Beautiful! These views truly appeal to our sense of beauty.”

杉の植林（日本語訳）

“After the Second World War, to recover from the total wreckage, Japan needed a lot of construction materials. In Cue-Shoe, many cedar trees were planted for housing timber. But unfortunately, the pollen from these trees caused hay fever in many people. I think the views of these straight, green cedar trees are very beautiful, I’m not allergic. But to many, they are a nightmare.”
“While these cedar trees were being planted in Cue-Shoe, many broad-leaved trees like beeches and oaks were removed. These trees bore nuts, which were the main food for bears. That’s one of the reasons why there are no wild bears in Cue-Shoe today. Nowadays, bears appearing in towns is a big issue nationwide, but it doesn’t apply to the Cue-Shoe area. What a relief!”

マクドナルド、どこにでも（日本語訳）

“McDonald’s outlets are everywhere in Japan—so much so that some Japanese people actually think it is a Japanese restaurant chain. Here’s a story. A young Japanese boy went to America with his father. While his father was driving on the highway, the boy noticed a McDonald’s by the roadside and told his father, “Wow, Dad! They have McDonald’s even in America!”
“Actually, I like Burger King better than McDonald’s, but it is not as popular in Japan as it is in America. The ratio of Burger King to McDonald’s is about one to ten. Looking at this number, I say, “That’s a Whopper!””
“In Japan, on McDonald’s unwritten menu, there is an item called ‘Smile’ for free. It is a kind of urban legend. So, you want to order like this: ‘Can I get two cheeseburgers and one smile, please?’ Then you will get two cheeseburgers and one smile…or one sneer, maybe.”

スターバックス、どこにでも（日本語訳）

“I know a Starbucks joke. A lady walked into a Starbucks, and the barista asked her, ‘Would you like decaf, caffein-free?’ ‘I’m not pregnant,’ she answered. The barista replied, ‘Then, how about sugar-free?’”
“You should drink coffee when you have a cold. Actually, I have a cold now, so kuf, kuf, since this morning, I, kuf, kuf, have been, kuf, kuf, drinking, cough-ee…”

セブンイレブン、どこにでも（日本語訳）

“Among the many sightseeing spots worth visiting in Japan, Seven-Eleven is my top recommendation. To those who have never visited one in Japan, I say, it might be a miracle place. It sells many top-quality Japanese goods. Especially the egg sandwiches—they are splendid!”

いつも、階段（日本語訳）

“I love my guide job, but there is one thing I don’t like. And that is ‘Always…… Stairways.’ In Cue-Shoe, my guiding territory, there are many sightseeing spots with long stairways to reach them. Especially when they are temples or shrines—they love to be located on hillsides. I always try to persuade myself by saying, ‘This is going to be good exercise, good exercise, good exercise…’ But it never works.”

パチンコと矛盾（日本語訳）

“That is a Pachinkó parlor on your left. Pachinko, to put it simply, is like a slot machine parlor—it’s a gambling place where you use upright machines. Many people are addicted to pachinkó, and it has become a social issue. But here is the strange thing about pachinkó: officially, it is not considered gambling, as it only awards prizes. However, right next to the parlor, there is always a small window where you can exchange those prizes for money. So, actually, it is gambling!”
“So, pachinkó shows us a terrible example of contradiction. But we have a much bigger contradiction: the Self-Defense Forces. Our constitution bans the possession of military power. But to anyone’s eyes, the SDF looks like nothing but a military force. The government insists that it is a Self-Defense Force, not a military! That insistence itself sounds like a self-defense, doesn’t it?”

ウグイス（日本語訳）

“Did you hear that bird singing? That is the Oo-goo-eesu, known in English as the bush warbler. It is considered to have the most beautiful chirp of any bird. Every Japanese person can imitate it: Hoh-Hokekyo! Hoh-Hokekyo! The Oo-goo-eesu sings beautifully, but actually, it’s a matter of life and death, mating calls. If I were to translate its song, it would go something like this: ‘Baby, come here. Come here, I’m cool. Come here, love me, mate me, pleeeeeese!!!!’”

右側通行（日本語訳）

“I am often asked why cars drive on the left side in Japan. There are a few theories about this, and the most common one is that Japan followed the British system. But I know another interesting reason: it comes from the Samoo-lie walking rule. Samoo-lie wore their Kahtanah swords on the left side of their hips. They walked on the left because they wanted to avoid bumping swords when passing each other on the street. Touching another Samoo-lie’s Kahtanah was considered highly offensive.”

通路の黄色の線

(Walking on a walkway in a big city). See this yellow line. Do you know what it is? …… This is called a Tenji Block, a special tactile paving for blind or visually impaired people. The color yellow is highly recognizable, and the bumps are designed to guide them as they feel them with their soles or canes.

自動販売機

“I think you have already noticed that there are vending machines everywhere. The total number is said to be around four million nationwide. And, believe me, they sell an incredibly wide variety of things. Once, I saw one selling live lobsters. Oh, and adult magazines… which happen to be my favorite. I think they sell everything except a vending machine itself.”
“And vandalism cases on vending machines are very low in number. The annual number is only around a few thousand. This shows how safe Japan is.”

靴を脱ぐ

“It is one of our customs to take off our shoes when entering a house. In Japan, there are many rainy days, so the roads historically tended to be dirty and muddy. This custom is to prevent muddy shoes from making the inside of the house dirty.”
“When you are invited to a Japanese house, you have to take off your shoes and put on slippers prepared for you at the entrance hall. But this is not the end. During your stay, when you go to the restroom, you have to change into special slippers just for that room. When you leave the restroom and forget to change back, it leads to a terrible situation. When you return to the living room, everyone will be laughing at you!”
“During the stay in Japan, you have many occasions where you have to take off your shoes. So, here is one of the most important tips for your trip to Japan: wear slip-on shoes!”

マスク

“You might be amazed by how many people are wearing masks. The chief reason is often not a medical one, but for cosmetic purposes. Many people think it is a good way to hide the lower half of their face to make themselves look more attractive. Do my eyes look more beautiful when emphasized like this? … Doubtful with me. (with the gesture of hiding the under half of my face, saying hello)”

電車で静か

“On any public transportation, to avoid making annoying noises, we are supposed to remain quiet or at least keep our voices down if we need to talk. Of course, nobody talks on the phone. Many people look like they are making a huge effort to be quiet. I sometimes think that Zen meditation might have originated from Japanese trains.”

お冷や、おしぼり、緑茶

“I heard there are only about nine countries in the world where you can drink tap water safely, and Japan is among them. In almost every restaurant here, water is served free of charge. In fact, a glass of water is served to your table the moment you sit down, without you even ordering anything. But here is the strange thing: bottles of water still sell like crazy in shops. Some self-proclaimed taste experts say that bottled water tastes much better than tap water. I say to them, “Bullshit!””
“Think about this: hot green tea is free, but oolong tea costs money, English black tea costs money, and matcha costs money. They are all made from the exact same tea plant, but many people still choose to pay for their tea. I want to say it again: “Bullshit!””

コンクリートの法面

“Yes, that slope is reinforced with concrete. Japan is a very rainy country, so landslides occur frequently. That is why you see those kinds of slopes all over the place. But, you see, they are also perfect for practicing skateboarding! And that, my friends, is the real reason why Japan wins so many gold medals in Olympic skateboarding events!”

巨大な緑のネット

“You’re asking what that huge green net over there is? You have good eyes! That is not a giant birdcage, but a golf driving range. Inside that cage, you’ll find a lot of rare birds called ‘golfers.’ If they practice hard enough, in the golf courses, they can transform into a birdie, an eagle, an albatross, or hole-in-one !”

動物の建設バリケード

“See that construction barricade over there? It’s made from a line of cute animal characters—rabbits, frogs, monkeys, elephants, you name it! Why cute, you ask? Why on earth do we need cute animals at a construction site? This shows the sheer power of ‘Kawa-ee’ culture in Japan. Even macho construction workers want to look Kawa-ee here. Being Kawa-ee is a supreme force. Everyone and everything has to be cute in Japan. Did you know that even the police departments use cute Kawa-ee characters as their mascots? Seriously… can Japan be OK?”

傘立て

“Many shops place an umbrella stand at the door. In the rainy season, they are completely overflowing with umbrellas. Most of them are plastic umbrellas that look exactly the same. So, people often accidentally take the wrong umbrella home. To prevent this, special stickers for umbrella handles are sold. They say: “It Is Not Yours,” or “With built-in GPS.””

暖簾

“You might have seen a curtain-like cloth hanging at the door of a restaurant. It works as a shop sign, and when it hangs outside of the door, it shows the shop is open. And this is important. When you need a handkerchief but have none with you, you can use it. But it is your responsibility to deal with the situation that might happen to you.”

交番

“That hut over there is a Kohban, a small-sized police station. They are placed everywhere in Japan, and they are said to make a great contribution to safety in Japan. I think the chief role is a lost and found. It works so well that over 80 percent of lost wallets with some cash are returned to the owners. Don’t worry about your wallet today. If you lose it, I will find it first, for you… and I won’t do anything after… Perfect procedure.”

ホームレス

“I think you have hardly ever seen a homeless person in the town. Ten years ago, we used to see some in the parks or in the underpasses. But, some years ago, all of a sudden, they were gone. It is the biggest mystery since the disappearance of dinosaurs.”

カラス

“In Japan, garbage is put into plastic bags and is placed at a designated spot. But it is often left without any protection. In a sense, it is open to crows. You see a lot of them in the backyards of big cities. Now, crows are the symbolic bird of urban life. But they are not respected at all. Caw, Caw! Translation: Don’t hate us.”

日本庭園

“In Japanese gardens, water is a very important element. The gardens represent natural scenery with a river, a lake, or an ocean. They are artificially designed to look like natural views. The expression of water goes to the extreme. Something that is not water can representwater. You will see a raked white gravel area today. This dry work represents the flow of a river. When a desert wanderer, looking for water, finds this, he will be in great despair.”
“I consider there are four important elements in Japanese gardens. They are pine trees, ponds, bridges, and koi fish. They are always there. If you get all of them in a single photo frame, that photo is perfect.”

日本家屋

“In the past, Japanese houses were designed to beat the heat and humidity in summer. In winter, to escape the cold, people could wear layers or use a fire device. But in summer, there was no electric fan or air conditioner. And they were one piece of clothing short from being naked. So, they worked out proper house structures. The main aim was to let the wind pass through the house. That is why their floors were built high, dividing doors were removable, and little furniture was placed, to let the wind blow through. Anyway, coolness before privacy!”

忍者

“Everyone thinks there are no ninjas anymore. But they are wrong. You see, they have mastered the art of disappearance. Actually, there is a ninja right here. This is him! (pointing at the air next to me with my hand and making a gesture of my hand being pulled) Don’t pull!”

定年と年金

“Normally, the retirement age is 60, but the first year of receiving pension money is 65. We have to do something for a living for these five years. There are three ways to do it. Continue the same job, change jobs, or rob a bank.

日本酒の宴会

“It was, or still is in some places, a custom to pour sake for each other. This was the terrible case when I was young. Younger guys, like me, were supposed to pour sake first to their superiors, or elderly people. And to all of them in the party. At the next moment, younger guys had sake poured into their cups in return. They had to drink all of it, and the superiors and the elderly watched them (while the superiors and the elderly could just pretend to drink all of theirs). To young guys, the party was hell. Next morning, they painfully suffered from hangovers, always.”

日本茶

“Matcha has become well known to people overseas. I have no good feelings for matcha. First of all, matcha is not a drink to have in everyday life. It is specially for the tea ceremony. To me, it is nothing but a super bitter drink. Moreover, in a tea ceremony, participants are supposed to drink it in a seiza position, sitting on their heels. It is too painful for me to hold seiza for even five minutes. Matcha drinking is a hardship. So, there are some Japanese people who frown at the mention of matcha……I am one of them, absolutely.”

数字の覚え方

“You can learn Japanese numbers from one to ten with these gestures…One is Itchy. (scratching my body, saying “Itchy, itchy!”). Two is Knee. (hitting my knee, saying “Knee!”). Three is Sun. (flapping a raised palm, saying “Sunshine!”). Four is Sea. (making a swimming gesture, saying “Swim in the sea!”). Five is Go. (folding my elbows at my sides and moving my right fist forward and left fist backward, saying “Let’s go!”).Six is Rock. (making a gesture of throwing a rock, saying “Throw a rock!”). So, this is one through six in Japanese. (doing the six gestures with the words in a row). —Normally, this is the end. But sometimes it goes on like this—Seven is Hitch. (making a hitchhiking thumb gesture, saying “Hitchhiking!”). Eight is Hatch. (making a gesture of opening a submarine hatch, saying “Open a submarine hatch!”). Nine is Cue. (making a gesture of thrusting a cue, saying “Billiard cue!”). And Ten is Dew. (making a gesture of drinking from a can, saying “Mountain Dew!”). And then, this is one through ten. (doing all the gestures).”

招き猫

“This figurine is a “Beckoning Cat.” This gesture (flapping my hand back and forth) might mean “Go away” in your country. But in Japan, this means “Come here, come here,” a beckoning gesture. If it raises its right hand, it says, “Come, come, money!” If it raises its left hand, it says “Come, come, people!” And if it raises both hands, it is just greedy!”

挨拶

“Do you know the Japanese for “Good morning”? It is “Ohayo,” or “Ohayo-gozaimasu.” “Gozaimasu” makes it polite. “Ohayo” is easy to remember because it sounds just like the American state, Ohio! So, Ohio-gozaimasu! Once, a stupid American greeted me in the morning, saying, “Texas-gozaimasu!””
“Do you know the Japanese for “Thank you”? It is “Arigato,” or “Arigato-gozaimasu.” “Gozaimasu” makes it polite. “Arigato” is easy to remember because it sounds just like a dangerous animal living in an African river! Yes, alligator! Alligator-gozaimasu! Once, a stupid American thanked me, saying, “Crocodile-gozaimasu!””
“And “Konnichiwa” is the Japanese for hello. It is also easy to remember. Do you know the breed of dog that　says “Konnichiwa”? … Konnichi-chihuahua!”
“Lastly, “goodbye” is “Sayonara.” Sa, Yo, Na, Ra—this is a typically Japanese rhythm. Each syllable of a consonant and a vowel has the same length of time. So, it sounds like , “ta, ta, ta, ta.” If it is fast, it sounds like a machine gun: “tatatatatata!” In English, you might say “Sayo-NAAH-ra,” right? But in Japanese, it should be Sa, Yo, Na, Ra.”

自己紹介

“My name is WAKASA. Wakasa. In Japanese, “wakasa” means being very, very, very young! (showing my face). Today, I’ll work like a young boy. But I don’t use “Wakasa” as my guide name. My guide name is “Sensei.” Do you know the meaning of “Sensei”? Yeah, right, “teacher.” Actually, I was a teacher. The retirement age in Japan is 60. When I turned 60, I decided to change jobs. The main reason… at that time, I felt somewhat sick and tired of teaching English… to stupid students! I hate stupidity. Today, I’m very happy to be with you, who don’t look stupid…… so far!”

マイクチェック

(testing the microphone ) Hello, hello, can you hear my voice? If it is sexy, it is mine.

落とし物注意

(testing the microphone ) Hello, hello, can you hear my voice? If it is sexy, it is mine.

わびさび

“The concept of Wabi-Sabi is one of the Japanese ideals of beauty. Look at this picture. This represents Wabi-Sabi. “Simple is best. Old is best.” This is the basic concept. My good old wife is simple-minded. So, she is my Wabi-Sabi…… well, I was ordered by her to say so.”

カワイイ文化

“The Japanese culture of “Kawaii” has been well known overseas. High school girls often use it for things that are cute. I said “cute,” but its definition is a bit complicated. High school girls consider all of these “Kawaii.” (showing pictures). Even though something is weird and ugly, if it is small, innocent, or endearing, it can be “Kawaii.” And here, there are some “Kawaii” guys… weird and ugly, including me.”

血液占い

“In Japan, more than any fortune-telling or personality theory, blood type personality theory is the most popular. The theory claims that four blood types, A, B, O, and AB, give people different particular traits. Blood type A people are meticulous and neat. About 40 percent of Japanese people are blood type A, and that might be why the streets in Japan are always clean. Blood type O people are sociable and big-hearted. They tend to be leaders of groups. Blood type B people are free-spirited and uncooperative. In groupism-prone Japan, they are sometimes discriminated against. Lastly, blood type AB people are intelligent and geniuses. I, of course, am an AB guy.”

長崎平和公園

“(In Peace Park in Nagasaki, I am guiding the guests with my back facing the Peace Statue.) The right hand of the statue is pointing to the sky. It means, ‘There, there, there was the explosion.’ It represents the threat of nuclear weapons or war. The left hand is held out horizontally. It means—(with a gesture of sweeping my hand sideways)—’Everyone is equal.’ It represents the importance of peace. Both hands of the statue have very important significance. Now, I am pointing this way—(pointing to the right). Over there, there is an ice cream vendor, and that is my top recommendation here!”

温泉

“They say Japanese Onsen has powerful healing effects for people who carry a lot of daily stress. It soothes your body, washes away your worries, and restores your soul. However…for a guy like me, who lives a completely stress-free, lazy, and carefree life every single day…. Onsen holds ZERO attraction. It’s just a bath of very hot water. I am probably the rare human being who couldn’t care less about Onsen! BUT! For all of you stressed-out hard workers… please, go ahead and enjoy!”
“For many visitors, being naked in the Onsen is embarrassing, right? Some people even try to wear a huge towel into the hot water. But I always wonder… why cover your BODY? Isn’t it much smarter to just cover your FACE with a towel? If nobody knows WHO you are, nobody knows WHO is naked! Problem solved!”
“Please limit your bath to 10 minutes, or you will get dizzy. And it is like you’ll get boiled into a nice broth like a Japanese fish dish—which is, by the way, why Onsen inns serve so much seafood!”
“People misunderstand ‘Beauty Onsen’ as a bath that MAKES you beautiful, but it actually means a bath ONLY beautiful people are allowed to enter—because if hot water could truly make you beautiful, plastic surgery wouldn’t exist!”

ボケとツッコミ

Among many comedy patterns, in Japan, the pattern of ‘Boke and Tsukkomi’ is very common. Two people in conversation divide their roles into Boke, the funny one, and Tsukkomi, the corrector. This is similar to the pattern in the West of the funny man and straight man. One thing is different : in Japan, the two roles are fixed. Boke says something weird or off-topic on purpose, while Tsukkomi points out and corrects it right away. Two-man stand-ups in Japan, known as Manzai, mainly use this pattern—the repetition of absurdity and correction—rhythmically. Sometimes, Tsukkomi uses some physical actions such as hitting Boke on the head or nudging him on the shoulder.

Example: 
I (the guide) am the Boke, and the other person (the driver or the escort) is the Tsukkomi.
Guide (Boke): "Wow, we have a lot of young people on the tour today!"
Escort/Driver (Tsukkomi): "You have bad EYESIGHT!" 
Guide (Boke): "And listen... everyone is speaking Japanese so fluently!"
Escort/Driver (Tsukkomi): "You have bad HEARING!"
Guide (Boke): "Honestly, I don't really feel like working today..."
Escort/Driver (Tsukkomi): "And you have a bad ATTITUDE!"

神社と寺の違い

“A difference between a Shinto shrine and a Buddhist temple? OK. Stand in front of the altar and clap, please. If nothing happens, it is a Shinto shrine. If somebody gives you a look, it is a Buddhist temple!”

桜

“Did you see people having parties under the cherry trees? It is a customary spring event in Japan to have a party under blooming cherry blossoms. In a sense, cherry blossoms are a great excuse for drinking. So, drinkers love cherry blossoms. Naturally, I love cherry blossoms, too!”
“There are typically three places where cherry trees bloom in abundance: parks, schools, and riverbanks. The reason behind the many cherry trees on riverbanks is especially interesting. When many people come to view the blossoms, they walk along the banks and compact the soil. This served as free flood protection work! It was a brilliant piece of wisdom from 300 years ago.”
“The variety named “Somei-yoshino” is what we generally call “cherry blossom” in Japan. This species grows by grafting. Because of this grafting, all the cherry blossoms in the same area bloom at the same time and fall at the same time. It’s like a synchronized performance by nature.”
“Cherry blossoms are beautiful—that’s for sure. But their main feature, “living short and beautifully,” deeply appealed to the samurai, whose motto was “die beautifully.” Similarly, Kamikaze pilots, who shared that same belief, also loved cherry blossoms. Sakura blossoms carry a poignant sadness behind their supreme beauty.”

掃除の文化

“I think everyone here may have already noticed Japanese towns are very clean. Look at the street outside. There is no litter or garbage. One of the reasons is a teaching from Shintoism. It teaches us like this: there is a tiny dirty thing. But another dirty thing and another… if they are gathered, bad luck or a disaster will happen to you. So, you must always keep everything clean. Thank you in advance. Please, bring your garbage to your room today, again.”
“Do you know Japanese students are supposed to clean their classrooms? In the Zen belief, cleaning is one of the trainings. To follow this, cleaning in Japanese schools functions like one of the subjects. This educational policy helps make Japan clean. But, in my opinion, the Japanese government tries to save money by reducing the budget for employing cleaners for schools.”

本音と建前

“Japanese people tend to avoid hurting the listener by not expressing exactly what they think. What they think is called “Honne” and what they express is called “Tatemae.” This culture of Honne and Tatemae is deeply rooted in Japanese lives. For example, when someone is asked by their partner, “How was my presentation?” and thinks it was really terrible, so as not to hurt the asker, he might answer, “You had very unique views.” This is what Japanese people are like. Keep this culture in mind, please…… (Smiling on purpose) Today, all of the guests are excellent, so I am very happy!”
“When it comes to the people in Kyoto, the old capital of Japan, this culture has gone to an extreme. What they express is somewhat of a threat to Japanese people outside Kyoto. For example, “You are wearing a nice watch” means “You don’t know the time. It’s time to leave.” “Come visit us again” means “Don’t come so often.” “Your daughter is improving on the piano” means “Her practice is so noisy.” Threatening? Rest assured. I’m not from Kyoto!”

八百万の神

“Shinto is said to have eight million deities. Who can count up to eight million? It’s amazing—somewhere in the world, there must have been a guy who had way too much free time!”

阿蘇の牛馬

“In the Aso area, livestock farming is very popular. Look at those brown cows there. They are Wagyu. Oh, over there, there are a lot of horses. They are Basashi.
Yesterday, I stayed in Kumamoto City. Now I am on the way to Aso. For dinner yesterday, I ate some horse sashimi, called “Basashi.” I don’t think you would eat horse sashimi, but I love it. Ah, over there, there are some horses in the field. Do you see them? Wow… in these two days, for the first time, I saw a living horse!”

サバ

I’ve shown you the ten most popular sushi ingredients. And this is the last and my favorite. It’s mackerel. In Japanese, SAVA. I like it very much, and it makes me feel good. (to French guests), Ça va bien!!

柳川船頭の駄洒落

“The boatman said, ‘The bird over there is a heron. In Yanagawa, we have white herons, blue herons, black herons… Marriage-Scam herons, and ‘It’s-me-Grandma!’-Scam herons!…….In Japanese, ‘heron’ is ‘SAGI’—which also means ‘SCAM’!’”

太宰府の牛像

“This is an ox statue. There are 11 ox statues in total in Dazaifu Tenmangu Shrine. See, everyone is stroking its head. It is believed that you will get smarter if you stroke its head. Well, well… looking at your faces… mmm, it seems there are some people who definitely need this!”

神社でお参りの仕方

“The proper way to pray is like this: two bows, two claps, praying, and one bow. You can pray for anything, like your family’s health, world peace, or ‘I hate that guy, please strike him down!’…… And my prayer is definitely: ‘Everyone, please don’t be late!'”

クルーズ船のX

(On the way back near the port) “I see the “X” sign on top of the ship. I was just wondering what it stands for. Do you know the meaning? (Waiting for reactions from the guests). Anyway, in Japan, an “X” means “No Good.” A circle means “Good.” (Showing the gestures of X and Circle) This is “No Good.” This is “Good. Oh, your ship has come into sight. So, let’s get back to the “No Good” ship!”

百道浜

(On the way to Fukuoka Tower) “This area is called Momochi, and it is a reclaimed area. When I was a kid, this was in the sea. Then, this landfill became a new residential area, and because of the good ocean view and the new city environment, it became popular right away. So now, this area is inhabited by wealthy people. That’s why I don’t live here!”

記憶

“See, I am this old, and of course, I have many aging problems. Particularly, I worry about losing my memory—I am afraid of dementia. So, the other day, I bought a great book about how to prevent memory loss. I’d like to introduce it to you. The title is…… I forgot.”

いただきます、ごちそうさま

“Before eating, we say ‘Eatadakimasu.’ The original meaning is ‘I gladly receive this.’ It expresses gratitude to everyone involved in the process of serving this meal—from the producers to the cooks and servers. Also, if it is meat, it is an expression of gratitude to the living thing from which the meat came. After finishing the meal, we say ‘Gochisosama.’ It means ‘That was a feast.’ (or ‘This food was good.’) These Japanese phrases might be rather difficult for you to say. So, I’ll make it easier for you with combinations of English words!　’Eatadakimasu’ goes like this: ‘Eat A Duck Mouse.’ ‘Gochisosama’ is: ‘Go Cheese Oh Summer. These sound almost perfect!”

赤の三角マーク

“See, there are red triangular marks on some windows. They are a “In case of fire, firefighters will break through these windows to enter, so don’t put anything by the windows, inside or outside” sign. It’s not just a design.”

窓の十字テープ

“You are asking me what that X-shaped tape is for, right? It’s not a pagan cross. It’s reinforcement for very old windowpanes. Before a typhoon comes, windows are taped in that pattern—vertical, horizontal, and diagonal. And the tape remains there even after the typhoon passes. In a sense, it shows that they can’t afford new windows!”

都井岬の馬

First, I have to tell you this: the horses there are wild, so sometimes, unfortunately, you might not see them and will be disappointed. In that case, I will say this to you: “Why the long face?””

ソフトクリーム

“Japan is well-known for its delicious food, and I am often asked what my top recommendation is. The answer is soft-serve ice cream. We call it “SOFT CREAM.” You will find a soft-serve shop at almost every sightseeing spot. And a great feature is that they often serve flavors made with local products, like orange, matcha, or strawberry… You will love it!
(On the road in Nango Town in Miyazaki) This town is famous for its mangoes. So, let’s try some mango-flavored soft-serve. As I always say: Mango in Nango!”

鹿児島、紙の袋

“Look at those paper bags covering the fruit. They cover the loquats. (If asked by a guest why they need to be covered) Well, they are for protection against bugs, birds… and maybe YOU!”

小学生の写真

“Please, have a look at this picture of a schoolgirl. Do you find something strange or unusual about this? Oh… sir, yeah, you are right! She is carrying a strange backpack. Almost all elementary school kids use this same type of backpack. We call it “Randoseru.” And in most cases, these bags are given to them by their grandparents when they enter elementary school. But there is another unusual thing here. Can you guess what it is? No…? Now, I will tell you the answer. She is walking all by herself. You might see young school kids walking or getting on trains alone during your stay in Japan. Is this the case in your country? Yes, this shows you how safe Japan is. Public safety is one of our greatest sources of pride.”

外国人に慣れている

“When I was a kid, there were no foreigners around me. Like most people at that time, when I was spoken to by a foreign person, I was too shy to say anything. This shyness was common back then. But nowadays, school kids are not shy at all. They are so used to foreign visitors. I think you might have had school kids greeting you cheerfully at the places you’ve visited. They say “Hahlo!”—not the English “Hello,” but “Hahlo!” And they say it to you all at once, like a chant: “Hahlo! Hahlo! Hahhlo!” I call this the “Hahlo Bombardment.””

遵守

“I’ll give you an example of how obedient Japanese people are: at a red traffic light, of course, we wait, and even when there are no cars in sight, we still wait—in fact, I think we would wait at a red light in the middle of a vast field with no cars in sight for a kilometer in any direction; when I once asked an American about this, he replied, “We never do that; if the sign says ‘Don’t Walk,’ we just run!””

笑う女性

“Have you seen a Japanese woman covering her mouth with her hand when she laughs, like this—hahahaha—and do you know why: I’ve never asked any woman about this because I think it’s a bit lacking in decency, but my guess is that Japanese women cover their mouths because they don’t want to show their teeth, as they might think showing teeth spoils the beauty of their faces, though I’ve never asked them, either, if they really think they are beautiful!”

くまモン

“(Showing a picture of Kumamon) When you are in Kumamoto, you’ll see this character everywhere—his name is Kumamon, which means ‘Bear Guy,’ as ‘kuma’ means bear, coming from the name Kumamoto; now, it sounds like this place is full of bears, but actually, there are NO wild bears here… (if someone asks why there are no bears) I killed them all!”
“So you came to Kumamoto from Kagoshima! I see… then you must have noticed how the bears change their color from white to black.”

門司港

“Our next stop is the Moji Port Retro Area. It still retains the atmosphere of a former international trade port, where you will find three key elements. The first is bananas. Bananas were a very important import that came through Moji Port, and today, banana-themed goods are everywhere. The second is pufferfish. Pufferfish is famous here, and I would say its sashimi is the absolute best among all sashimi dishes. The last is curry rice. Baked curry is the local specialty, so you might catch the smell of curry as you walk around. Let me repeat those three elements: bananas, pufferfish, and curry rice.”

温泉と刺青

“If you have a tattoo, you might be turned away by some Onsen hot spring baths. Do you know why? In Japan, having a tattoo has long been a sign of intimidating Yakuza, or underground gangs. Everywhere else, you can easily avoid them. But in a public bathhouse, if you see them naked and try to get away, they might get angry. You feel stuck there, just feeling scared. That’s why many public bathhouses don’t accept people with tattoos. A tattoo is a taboo in Onsen.”

観音菩薩

“That Buddha statue is Kannon Bodhisattva. It is the deity of mercy, and its motherly features are very popular in Japan. I think you know the camera brand Canon—this company’s name actually came from Kannon. If you have a Canon camera, this is a super good photo opportunity!”

畳の縁

“(In a tatami mat room)… Now, let me tell you one rule of etiquette regarding tatami mats. Don’t step on the edges of the tatami mats. There are a few reasons for this. The most common reason is that it’s considered impolite to step on the edges, as they often feature the family crest of your host. But I know another secret reason: it’s a defense against ninjas! They used to lurk beneath the floor and try to kill by thrusting a katana right through the gap between the mats.”

アメリカで好きな街

“…By the way, when I was a college student, I had a chance to travel around America. Back then, I was very poor and only used cheap Greyhound buses. I visited many places, but most of the admission fees were very cheap or free. (When asked which city I liked best)… Definitely, it was New Orleans’ French Quarter! I had almost no money, so I just walked around there. The restaurants and bars left their doors half-open to attract passersby. All kinds of places did that, even the strip clubs. It was fantastic!”

干支

“Before this, I showed you the Zodiac table so you know which animal you belong to, and now I’ll tell you the personality analysis for every Zodiac sign: for the Rat, you are smart, but CHEAP; for the Ox, you are patient, but BRAIN-DEAD STUBBORN; for the Tiger, you are brave, but SUICIDAL; for the Rabbit, you are gentle, but a TOTAL COWARD; for the Dragon, you are charismatic, but DELUSIONAL; for the Snake, you are wise, but CREEPY; for the Horse, you are energetic, but HYPERACTIVE; for the Sheep, you are kind, but USELESS; for the Monkey, you are witty, but an ANNOYING BRAT; for the Rooster, you are punctual, but NARCISSISTIC; for the Dog, you are loyal, but PARANOID; and for the Boar, you are passionate, but a BRAINLESS CHARGER!”

アメリカのどこで英語を学んだか？

“Yeah, that’s right—I actually learned English in America when I was young, and if I tell you where, I know you’re going to laugh… it was in Mississippi—see, I told you you’d laugh! Back then, I thought English was the same everywhere in America, but I had such a hard time there because at first, I couldn’t understand a word they were saying, so sometimes my English still comes out like this: ‘Well now, y’all might be able to tahk tah town ’bout a pin—after suppah ‘” (ウェェル・ナァウ、ヨォール・マイト・クッド・トォーク・タ・タァウン・バウト・ア・ピン（＝ペン）・アフタ・サッパァ)

モミジ

“In Japan, in autumn, maple leaves, or ‘Momiji,’ turn red and are very beautiful, and they are much smaller than those in Canada—because a Momiji leaf looks like a small hand, Japanese people often use the word ‘Momiji’ to describe a baby’s cute hands, saying things like, ‘Look at his hands, they are so cute, real Momiji hands,’ but looking around at you guests now, I think your hands don’t look like Momiji maples—they look more like cables, thick and rough!”

仙巌園

“In this Japanese garden, Sengan-en, you can find four kinds of animals: a cat, a lion, a crane, and a turtle—so please follow me, and I will show you all four of them in the zoo… excuse me, in the garden!”

福岡の焼き鳥

“Fukuoka is a food town, and oh, you’ve already tried ramen here, I see—then I recommend the next food you should try: Yakitori, which is skewered grilled chicken, though Fukuoka Yakitori restaurants serve other ingredients than chicken, making them very popular, and the three most popular items are gizzard, pork belly, and chicken skin, called Zuri, Bara, and Kawa here; this is the Fukuoka style of ordering: as soon as three of us take seats at a table, we order like this—’Zuri, Bara, and Kawa, three skewers of each, and beer, just for now,’ which in Japanese is, ‘Zuri, Bara, Kawa, san-bon zutsu, de, toriaezu biiru!’—this fast order takes just five seconds, perfect for impatient Fukuoka people, and then later, we order more!”

福岡のビル

“Fukuoka City has an airport right within the city limits, just two to five subway stops from the center of the city, so buildings downtown have height regulations imposed on them—the limit used to be around 60 to 70 meters, but now it’s about 92 to 115 meters—which is why there are no super tall skyscrapers here, so while high-rise apartments are very popular in other big cities like Tokyo, they never became a thing here!”

恐竜博物館

“Dinosaurs are very popular in Japan, especially among kids, and I’d say the three most popular types of picture dictionaries for young children are animals, vehicles, and dinosaurs—however, finding dinosaur fossils in Japan is extremely rare, so when even tiny fossil fragments are discovered, it causes a huge sensation: basically, a marble-sized dinosaur fossil can build an auditorium-sized dinosaur museum!”

長崎の斜面

Nagasaki has the shape of a bowl (with a gesture of shaping a bowl in the air), so it has many slopes, and if you look to the right through the gaps between buildings, you can see many houses on the slopes, which is why Nagasaki has the lowest rate of bicycle usage in Japan; many people live in places where cars or bicycles cannot be used, and once, when I went there, I met an old man living in one of those areas and said to him, “It must be tough to live here,” to which he said, “It’s good for my health.”

世の中にたえて桜のなかりせば春の心はのどけからまし

“Cherry blossoms are a favorite motif for tanka, traditional Japanese short poems, and a tanka is composed of 5-7-5-7-7 syllable groups—it sounds like tatatatatah-tatatatatatatah-tatatatatah-tatatatatatatah-tatatatatatatah, just like a melody—so I will show you a famous sakura tanka from the Middle Ages: ‘Yo no naka ni / taete sakura no / nakariseba / haru no kokoro wa / nodokekaramashi,’ which means, ‘If there were no cherry blossoms in this world, our hearts in spring would be at peace,’ representing our feelings for cherry blossoms so well.”

宇佐

“We are visiting Usa Shrine, located in Usa City, and as for the city, there is an interesting story: just after the end of the Second World War, unlike present days, Japanese products, including electric appliances, had bad reputations overseas and didn’t sell well outside Japan, but a smart guy in Usa town came up with the good idea of using the town name, so because the name was spelled U, S, and A, he suggested that all the products made in Usa town should have labels saying ‘Made in USA,’ hoping people would mistake the products for those made in America.”

長崎名物

“I recommend three Nagasaki specialty foods: the first one is Kasutera, which is like a pound cake and is the top souvenir from Nagasaki; the second is Champon noodles, which are like ramen noodles with many vegetables, meat, and seafood; and the last one is Kakuni-man, which is simmered pork belly sandwiched between steamed buns—and looking at this picture of Kakuni-man, I call this the Nagasaki McDonald’s!”

沢山買い物をした客へ

（Talking to the guest who has bought many goods）”You bought a lot here, didn’t you? You made a great contribution to the Japanese economy, so I express my gratitude to you on behalf of the Prime Minister!”

ATM

“You are asking me if there is an ATM around here… well, we are making a short stop at a convenience store in a moment, and there is an ATM there… but by the way, the word ATM has another meaning in Japan, and it is not a good one: it refers to a husband whom his wife doesn’t love anymore, but needs as someone to earn money for the family—in short, she considers him a lifeless machine to give her money, and oh, you seem to be thinking about whether you are an ATM or not!”

カナダの人へ

” I heard a rumor that, because of a certain president, Canada (or Mexico or Greenland) will belong to America in the future—is that right?”

オーストラリアの人へ

“I’ve been to Australia twice. My impression of Australia is that it’s a big country: the land is big, the people are big, the steak is big, and my loss at the casino was big—I lost a lot of money there, so I hate Australia in that respect!”

テキサスの人へ

“I think Texas is my dream state: Texas BBQ is what I’ve wanted to taste for a long time—I watched a Netflix show about it and got fascinated, so ever since then, Texas BBQ has been the one thing I must try before I die!”
“I heard surprising news about Texas: is your state trying to become independent? If that happens, please sign a treaty with Japan so that many Texas BBQ restaurants will open here!”

フィリピンの人へ

“In Japan, there are active movements to study abroad to learn English, and considering the distance from Japan, the cost of living, and safety, the Philippines is the most popular country for studying English—I am one of those who want to study English earnestly, so I think you can help me learn English today!”

イギリスの人へ

“You are from England… I see, and I think Japan and England have many things in common—I’ll tell you three common things: first, both are island countries; second, the people in both countries are reserved and polite; and third, most importantly, the people in both countries don’t speak French!”
“You are from England… I see, and I think Japan and England have many things in common—I’ll tell you three common things: first, both are island countries; second, the people in both countries are reserved and polite; and third, most importantly, the people in both countries reject influence from the big continent!”

ドイツの人へ

“Japanese people feel sympathy with German people, because Japan and Germany were allies during the Second World War: we fought together for the cause, and we failed then, but next time, my friends, we won’t do it with Italy!”

シンガポールの人へ

“I visited your country more than once: before my first visit, I learned that most people there speak English and expected to try out my English, but when I actually got there, I couldn’t understand what people were saying and lost all my confidence—your English is not easy, lah!”

聖地巡礼

“The Japanese word ‘Seichi-Junrei’ is often heard in Japan: originally, it expressed the religious meaning of ‘pilgrimage to sacred places,’ but now it normally refers to fans visiting locations featured in manga or anime—in Kyushu, there are several places I’d like to recommend to you for world-famous works like One Piece, Attack on Titan, and Demon Slayer. For One Piece, Kumamoto is the birthplace of its creator, who set up 10 statues of the characters across the prefecture to support recovery from the Kumamoto earthquakes; for Attack on Titan, there is a spot in the creator’s hometown in Oita, at the foot of a dam, where statues of three characters look up at it as if looking at the giant wall from the series; and for Demon Slayer, fans visit a shrine in Fukuoka that shares its name with the main character, Kamado!”

秋芳洞

“We are going underground: this is Japan’s largest limestone cave, where water drops over a very long time have created unique rock formations—it is one of the most magnificent sights in Japan, a mysterious underground world with stalagmites, stalactites, smooth rocks, an underground river, illuminating lights, and flying bats!”

佐世保バーガー

“Most Japanese people associate the word ‘hamburger’ with McDonald’s, but here in Sasebo, that’s not the case: you can eat a big American burger just like the ones served at a traditional diner in the US—Sasebo has hosted a US Navy base since the end of WWII and has embraced many aspects of American culture, including the hamburger. A local in Sasebo learned—or maybe copied, or stole—a recipe from a base cook, and anyway, Japan’s very first hamburger shop opened right here in Sasebo!”

爆心地モニュメント

(After taking the guests to the ground zero monument through some points in Peace Park)Now, you have free time from here—please be back at the bus by 11:00, and I’ll be waiting near that ice cream vendor… hoping someone will buy me one!”

折り紙を折る

” (After explaining about origami cranes) I’d like you to go around the museum on your own—while I’m waiting here, I’ll be making an origami crane, but it takes me a long time to make just one… this will be my 44th, which means I only have nine hundred and something to go!”

発音ができない英単語

At Sengan En Park: (Standing in front of the map board and pointing to ‘reverberatory furnace’) This is a historic site… this rivavvaiariareee… tough to pronounce!
In a Shinto shrine with the emperor family crest of chrysanthemum: this symbol is the emperor family crest of kurisantthaatteeemamu… Tough to pronounce.
In Akiyoshido, you will see here sta,sta, sta, stalagmites and sta, sta, sta, stalactites. It is hard to sta, sta, sta, start the guidance here.
To an American guest: So, your president Mr. toraratoartroa…too hard to pronounce!

さつま、という言葉

“We are now in the town named Kagoshima. Ka, Go, Shi, Ma. But for this tour, you should know its old name, which is Satsuma. I think there is an English word, satsuma. It is a fruit, a tiny orange, right? This Satsuma place was a port from which oranges were exported. This is the origin of the English word. But, to Japanese people, satsuma doesn’t sound like an orange, it connects us with sweet potatoes. Kagoshima is the top production site of sweet potatoes. So, you will see a lot of sweet potato products like cookies and cakes at souvenir shops.”

二つの要素、平和公園

(In front of Peace Bell) Please, have a look at the bottles of water on the base. Water is an important element in this park. After the explosion, many people got burned on their bodies, and were looking for water. But they passed away before they reached water. So, water represents an offering to the spirits of the victims. Under the statue is a pool of water. There is a fountain in the opposite direction. See, water is very important. Another important element here is greenery. Please, look around. Trees, trees, trees… Just after the bomb, it was believed that there would be no life for seventy years, but actually, in just a month, new buds appeared. Greenery became a symbol of recovery. Water and greenery are two key elements here.”

平和の泉、言葉

I was terribly thirsty. There was something like oil on the water, but I wanted water so badly that I finally drank that water with oil floating on it.

信号機での鳥の声

“Do you hear a bird singing? Pee-yo, pee-yo! Do you know what this is for?… It is a signal for blind people to tell them when to cross. And then, when the light turns red, you will hear a different birdsong… Now, Cuckoo, Cuckoo! A song for the other direction. Nature calls in this unnatural city!”

上色見熊野座神社

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, you think I don’t know the name of the shrine because I haven’t mentioned it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you are right. But the truth is that the name is too long to remember. Oh, there’s a signboard for the shrine. Kamisshikimikumanoza Shrine. See how hard it is to remember!”

博多手一本

“I’ll show you the concluding procedure for business deals or parties in Fukuoka City. It is clapping hands. Everyone claps together in a specific rhythm following the leader’s vocal cues. It goes like this: First, I say, ‘Yo-o,’ then clap twice. Do it, (clap! clap!). Then, I say, ‘Ma-hitosu,’ then two claps. Do it, (clap! clap!). Then, I say, ‘Yo-san,’ then three claps, (clap! clap! clap!). Oh, great! Let’s practice……… Ok, we are almost at the end of the tour. Now for the real one. ‘Yo-o’………”

セミの声

“(A cicada is singing). Do you hear a cicada singing? It is one of the summer features of Japan. I heard the sound of cicadas is just noise to most people other than the Japanese. Sometimes, the sounds are noisy to us too, but we can appreciate them like we are hearing charming voices or songs. Cicadas grow underground for seven years and they sing above the ground for only seven days… going crazy to find a mate. There it is, singing, ‘I want love, love, love, looooooove!'”

バスのドア

“(Waiting for the guests outside the bus) Oh, the door is not on this side in Japan. Are you from America?… I thought so. It’s good that you just experienced a cultural difference. Please go around to the other side.”

１５と５０

“The meeting time is ten-fifteen… Yes, fif-TEEN, not fif-TY. It is difficult for me to tell fifteen from fifty apart. I’m wondering if you, English speakers, can distinguish between these two. Oh, you can… right. (Later) The meeting time is eleven-fifTEEN. TEEN!!! How about this? FIFTEEEN!”

福岡から高速道路で久留米を通過

“(Before entering Kurume City) We are about to cross a big river. It is called the Chikugo River, the longest river in Kyushu. Please look out the window.”
“(In Kurume) The city name Kurume sounds like gourmet, as in foodies. So, food is used to promote the tourism industry here. It has two major popular foods, ramen and yakitori. Especially yakitori. The city is proud of having the highest number of yakitori restaurants per capita. If you have a chance, come and visit a yakitori restaurant.”
“(In Kurume) Do you know the company Bridgestone, a tire company? Kurume is the birthplace of the company. Its founder was Mr. Ishibashi. Ishi means ‘stone’ and bashi means ‘bridge.’ The combination of the two words would be StoneBridge, but the order was reversed. The head office was moved to Tokyo, but there is a big plant in this city, although it cannot be seen from this highway.”
“(Before getting through the city) On the right, a big Buddha statue is coming into view. There, there, a white one. It is a statue of Kannon, the motherly goddess of mercy. Do you know the name of the camera company, Canon? The name comes from Kannon. This always makes me imagine that this statue is actually a rocket missile, and when North Korea launches a missile to Fukuoka, it will be fired in retaliation.”
“(Just after getting through the city) From here, you will see green tea fields on both sides. The fields normally have tall poles with a fan on top, which helps you identify tea fields. It is to blow away frost, which is bad for the growth of tea leaves.”

池の鯉

“(In a Japanese garden) Every Japanese garden has a garden pond. In the pond, there are usually carp. They are called Koi. Koi carp. When you clap your hands, they will come closer to you. Oh, let me add one thing. The Japanese word ‘koi’ also means ‘Come here.’ So, when you want koi to come to you, you should clap your hands, saying ‘Koi, koi! Come on, koi carp! Koi, koi!'”

相撲と塩

“Have you ever seen sumo wrestling? If you have, I think you must have seen wrestlers throwing something white before matches. Do you know what it is? … You don’t know… It is salt. Salt is believed in Japan to have the effect of warding off evil and impurity. Sumo originated in rituals of Shinto, which highly values purification.”
“If you have a chance to go to a restaurant in Japan, some restaurants put a small heap of salt at the entrance door. This is for the same purpose. But there is another reason why. It is based on an old Chinese story. It says that one of the inner palace ladies wanted the emperor to stop by her house. So, she put a heap of salt at the entrance door. The ox carrying the emperor in an oxcart stopped to lick it and wouldn’t move. The emperor had no choice but to enter the house. It became a symbol of attracting people, which restaurants really want to happen.”
“When you visit someone in Japan and leave their house, after ten or twenty steps, please secretly look around to see what they are doing at the door. If they throw some salt around, they think of you as something like an evil thing. A ‘never-come-back’ action! You cannot visit them again! And… when you leave this bus today, please secretly look back to check if I am throwing salt!”
“In old times, or rather, until ten or twenty years ago, a person who came back home from a funeral had some salt thrown on their body. It was to ward off the evil that they might bring home.”

男尊女卑のさす九

“According to an international survey announced by the World Economic Forum about gender-gap rankings in 2025, Japan was ranked 118th among 146 countries. This ranking means that Japan has a bad reputation as a male-dominated country. I am on the male side… I have to say I am sorry, but I don’t think I am a guy of male chauvinism, because I’m doing a bus guide job, which used to be a woman’s job… But I’m not sure…”
“Here in Cue-shoe, male chauvinism is said to be the most outstanding. The Japanese “Sasu-Cue” is often seen on social media and is a buzzword. It is a shortened phrase for “Sasuga Cue-shoe,” which means “As expected of Cue-shoe.” Actually, it is ironic, ridiculing the personality of a man from Cue-shoe… And I am from Cue-shoe. I am a man. Ouch! Double impact on me! I’m trying to be really gentle to ladies now, so as not to be Sasu-cue. Am I not?… No? Glad to hear that I’m not Sasu-cue. Sasu-cue very much!”

鯉のぼり

“That’s a carp streamer. It is called ‘Koi-nobori,’ meaning ‘koi carp climbing up.’ It is hung in the air to pray for the healthy growth and the future success of boys on May 5th (Children’s Day). An old Chinese legend says that if a carp manages to go up a rapid waterfall, it will become a dragon and fly into the sky. A carp is a symbol of success in life. A black carp is Daddy; a red carp is Mommy; a blue carp is a child or a baby. Then… (singing) Baby carp, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Baby carp, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, Baby carp. Daddy carp…”

長崎のオランダの影響

“During the samurai period, Japan closed the country and traded with no European countries except the Netherlands. Nagasaki was the only place where Dutch people could stay, and that was on a small artificial island called ‘Dejima.’ To the local people, all Western people were considered Dutch. People called them ‘Olanda-san,’ taking it from the sound of Holland. Even after the national isolation policy was lifted and many people came to Japan from other European countries, Nagasaki people kept calling all of them ‘Olanda-san.’ There is a slope in the Western people’s residential area which is now a popular sightseeing spot. In that area, very few Dutch people actually lived at that time, but it was called ‘Olanda Zaka,’ meaning Holland Slope. This shows the big influence from the Netherlands. So… to Nagasaki people, you are Olanda-san, and you, and you, and you, are all Olanda-san. What?… You are from the Netherlands? The real Olanda-san!”

宮崎の椰子の木

“Those palm trees? Yes, they were planted, not wild. Let me tell you the tourism history of Miyazaki. In the 1950s and 1960s, very few Japanese people were rich, and traveling abroad was just a dream. Hawaii, in particular, was the ultimate dream destination. Miyazaki is located in the southern part of the southern island of Kyushu. It has a tropical atmosphere. Some people in Miyazaki thought of making Miyazaki look like Hawaii. That’s why palm trees were planted. That’s why surfing was promoted. That’s why mangoes are grown. At first, this plan was a big success. Miyazaki became the most popular honeymoon destination for newlywed couples. Miyazaki thrived on this. But not anymore. So, Miyazaki is now trying to regain its popularity. In short, Miyazaki is a town that wanted to be Hawaii, and still wants to be!”

「月が美しい」

“When you happen to be walking with a Japanese woman—not a girlfriend, just an acquaintance—on a full-moon night, impressed by the beauty of the moon, you might say “The moon is beautiful” in Japanese. Then, she will be really confused by that remark. Why so? In Japanese, “The moon is beautiful” strangely means “I love you.” No wonder she is confused! In the 19th century, when Japan didn’t have an equivalent expression for the English “I love you”—because nobody confessed their feelings like that—a famous writer and translator translated it as “The moon is beautiful.” This shows one of the Japanese cultural traditions: “reading between the lines.””

元寇　Explicit

“Fukuoka repelled the Mongol invasions in the Middle Ages. Fukuoka was guarded against the Mongols by a lot of samurai. At that time, the Emperor of the Mongol Empire was Kublai Khan. I imagine that the samurai thought about the leader who tried to invade Fukuoka something like, “Fuck off, Khan, from Fukuoka!””

電車の居眠り

“When you get on trains in Japan, I think you will be surprised by one thing. Many passengers are dozing off. They must be tired, and they can do this because Japan is a very safe country. But there is an even more surprising thing. Please, keep an eye on them. All of those sleeping passengers can wake up on their own just before their stations and get off. Incredible! You will surely think so.”

町にゴミ箱がない

“I think you have spent some time trying to find street garbage cans. It’s one of the major complaints from foreign tourists. I understand how you feel, but here is the reason why. If there were garbage cans on the street, the trash in them would overflow and make the street dirty. A person in charge of cleaning them up would be needed, which would cost money. Moreover, this is also to prevent terrorism. At the end of the 20th century, there was a major gas attack on the subway. After that, for security reasons, public garbage cans were removed from the streets. And this actually turned out to make the city much cleaner. Thank you for your cooperation in advance. Please take your trash back to your room.”

鯱

“(In front of the main tower of a castle such as Kumamoto Castle, Kokura Castle, or Shimabara Castle) Please look up at the roof. On both ends, there is a pair of fish, which are usually placed on castle main towers. They are imaginary fish from a Chinese legend, living in the sea as gods of water. They are called Shachihoko. A pair of Shachihoko functions as a talisman for fire prevention. Also, on the way back, you might see traditional Japanese houses, and some of them have a pair of Shachihoko on the roof. If you are worried about fire at your house, please get a pair for yourself—although they are a bit too heavy to carry in your suitcase!”

城に関する数字

“(Using slides) I’ll show you some numbers related to Japanese castles.
First, 25,000+. Tens of thousands is the number of castles throughout Japanese history. But this number includes simpler fortifications, which are different from our image of castles built in the age of samurai wars from the 16th century to the early 17th century.
Next: about 2,000. This is the number of castles built in that war period.
Next: about 170. This is the number of castles remaining after the ‘One Castle per Province’ policy was issued in 1615, after the end of the war period, by the government centered around the winning family to prevent any more battles.
Next: 12. This is the number of castles that have original main towers surviving today.
Then: 5. This is the number of main towers designated as National Treasures among the 12 surviving original ones.
The numbers drastically decrease: 25,000, 2,000, 170, 12, and 5.
Then, another number: about 200. This is the number of castle sightseeing spots today.
And about 100: this is the number of main towers of castles, whether they are original, rebuilt, or mock-built. So, the remaining 100 show us only stone walls and ruins.”

大皿料理

“One large platter dish is often served to a group to be shared in a restaurant in Japan. Sharing food is very common in Japan, and I think it is also common in Chinese restaurants and probably at home parties in the West. But one thing is different, I guess. While we are eating from a large platter—say, fried shrimp or any food—we always care about who is going to take the last piece. When only one piece is left, the mood at the table gets tense. Nobody reaches out for that last piece, because they don’t want to seem greedy. This last piece is called ‘Enryo-no-katamari,’ literally meaning ‘a lump of reserve’ or ‘a piece of hesitation.’ Discussion will begin. Everyone keeps saying to others, ‘Please take it,’ until somebody finally takes it, saying something like, ‘If you guys insist, allow me to take it.’ … A tough situation, but it gives you a realistic view of Japanese people.”

鰻料理

“(At an eel restaurant) Here is an interesting story about eel. An eel is filleted with a kitchen knife before being broiled. There are two ways of filleting: back-opening and belly-opening. Which method is used depends on the area, but in general, back-opening is done in eastern Japan including Tokyo, and belly-opening is done in western Japan. Tokyo, called Edo in the samurai age, was the main city of Japan with many samurai. Harakiri, or cutting open the belly, was the way a samurai took responsibility for a serious failure. In Edo, belly-opening reminded people of Harakiri, so back-opening became the custom there. That tradition continues to the present day.”

笑う女性

“Have you ever seen a Japanese woman covering her mouth with her hand when she laughs? (Slide) I wonder why, but I have never asked women about it, because the question might sound impolite to them. So, this is just my guess. Japanese ladies hate to show their teeth. Teeth seem to them to be an important element of beauty. Am I right?”

タクシーのドア

“Have you ever seen a taxi door open automatically? A taxi driver opens it in the car instead of going out and opening the door like a chauffeur to the boss. He might do so out of politeness. But I know another reason. You can’t get out until you pay the taxi fare.”

漫画・アニメの女の子

“Have you ever seen a girl in Japanese manga? (Slide). It seems everyone has. But I’ll tell you what. Her hair is light purple. Her eyes are golden. Girls in manga have different colors of hair and eyes. Almost all Japanese girls are not like this. Black hair and dark eyes. Strange.”

写真のポーズ

“I think you must have seen the pose for taking a picture. And when we make this pose, we say, ‘Peace’ for no apparent reason. Do you know why? I don’t care. Cheese, peace, whatever.”

七五三

“(At a Shinto shrine) The numbers on the banner? Oh, you can read Chinese characters! Are you from Taiwan or Singapore? … I see. Seven-Five-Three. It is one of our customs in October and November. Families take their children when they reach the ages of seven, five, and three to a shrine to pray for their healthy growth. You might see children wearing kimonos here today. They are so cute—so please, don’t kidnap them!”

迷信

“You should never sleep with your head facing north as it’s associated with death. If you stay at a hotel or inn in Japan, you will see this in the position of a pillow.”
“There are two numbers that are often detested in Japan. The number 13 is detested in Christian countries. Right? In Japan, likewise, 4 and 9 are detested. The numbers “4” (shi) and “9” (ku) are considered unlucky because they sound like the words for “death” and “suffering.” The bus number of this bus isn’t 4, or 9, or 49. Rest assured.”
“If your first dream of the year is of “Mt. Fuji, a hawk, and an eggplant,” it’s very auspicious. The dream goes like this; You are climbing Mt. Fuji and get hungry. Then you are about to eat an eggplant, when a hawk comes down to get it. But in Japan, small hawks, known as Tombi in Japanese. are aiming at your food in your hand. Be careful when they are hovering above you in the air.”
“If you sneeze, someone is talking about you. One sneeze means somebody is saying something good about you. Two sneezes mean somebody is saying something bad about you. Three sneezes mean you’ve got a cold, so please go see a doctor.”

耐震補強

“Figure M Shaped Metal Frames on School Buildings. Can you see the M-shaped metal frames on that school building beyond the playground on your right? What do you think they are? … They are for seismic retrofitting. There was a big earthquake around Kobe in 1995. We saw many buildings collapse. After that, seismic reinforcement work was carried out on school buildings that had been built before 1981. Interestingly, along with volcanoes, those frames also show that Japan is an earthquake-prone country.”

家で温泉、別府

“Beppu has the largest number of hot spring sources in Japan. About one-fourth of the population uses hot springs at home. Also, there are many cheap public bathhouses, and many people use the ones near their homes. If you want to have a hot spring piped to a newly built house, it costs about five million yen. To those who want to use hot springs at home in Beppu, I recommend that you live in a used property with a hot spring already piped in or a condominium supplied with hot spring water.”

刀

“Of course, katana swords are weapons, but more than that, they are works of art with glittering blades. Many of them have beautiful blade patterns called hamon, which only master blacksmiths can create using a delicate fire and clay technique. They were often given as gifts to shoguns and feudal lords, or as offerings to shrines and temples.
Actually, in battles, katana swords were not the main weapon as seen in samurai dramas. When it comes to bladed weapons, spears were the most useful in battles. After the end of the samurai civil wars, in a peaceful period, katana swords became mainly a status symbol worn by the samurai class. This is the reality of katana swords—and as you can see, reality is sometimes a bit disappointing!”

写真撮ります

“I will take a photo of you. You can ask me to take photos of you, or your group. That’s one of my jobs as a guide. I can be your photographer, and a good one! For your information, my specialty is nude photography.”

世界からの記念碑　長崎平和公園

(To guests mainly from English-speaking countries, inside the Peace Park)”There are several monuments here donated by countries around the world. Anyone here from the US? … Yes, there’s one, and I’ll take you to see it. Anyone from Australia? There’s one for you, too. From New Zealand? Yes, we have one. How about the UK? None here. Canada? None either. What happened—are your governments a bit stingy, or what?”

信号機で鳥の鳴き声

“Do you hear those birds singing? Cuckoo, cuckoo. Do you know what that’s for? … No, it’s not for bird watchers! This acoustic signal is for blind and visually impaired people to cross safely. (The light changes) Now, another bird singing—here it goes: piyo-piyo, chirping like a chick. Also, take a look at the yellow tiles on the walkway. A track for bird watching? Definitely not. This tactile paving is also for people with visual impairments, who can feel the bumps with their cane or right through the soles of their shoes.”

日本人の宗教観

“It is not easy to answer your question “What religion do you believe in?” It is tough to explain exactly, so many Japanese are likely to say “I don’t believe in any religion.” But properly speaking, it might go like this: “In the West, religion is often about believing in one faith. In Japan, we follow a bit of the two major religions, Shinto and Buddhism.” We just follow their manners. We take our children to a Shinto shrine to pray for their healthy growth. Or we visit a shrine to express our gratitude for a safe delivery. On the other hand, when we die, our funerals are done in a Buddhist style. These days, many young couples have a wedding in a church. We make a fuss on Halloween night. We happily follow, or imitate customs in religious events. In this sense, any religion is OK. But I can tell you one thing: most Japanese people are somewhat foodies, so we won’t follow the Islamic fasting Ramadan. Never!”

落とし物

“If you accidentally lose your wallet somewhere in Japan, according to a survey, in about eight out of ten cases, the wallet will be returned to you. Almost every lost item will be returned to its owner in Japan. Amazing? But, ladies, if you lose your husband on the way, he will also be found and returned to you… unhappily.”

英語をなぜ勉強したのか

“Why did I learn English, you ask? When I was a kid, I loved Hollywood movies, which were aired on TV every day. America became my dream country. At that time, I was a big fan of Steve McQueen: The Magnificent Seven, Bullitt, The Getaway, and especially, The Great Escape… Even now, I want to make a great escape from this bus!”
“In The Magnificent Seven, there is a scene with my all-time favorite quote: Steve McQueen is in hot water, and the enemy boss asks him why he took on such an impossible fight. He answers, “It’s like a fellow I once knew in El Paso. One day, he just stripped off all his clothes and jumped into a patch of cactus. I asked him, ‘Why?'” The boss asks, “Well, what did he say?” Steve McQueen replies, “He said, ‘It seemed like a good idea at the time.'” …So, why did I quit being a teacher and become a tour guide, you ask? It seemed like a good idea at the time!

人数確認

“Counting heads is one of the most important parts of my job as a guide: if I miscount and leave someone behind, I might lose my job—so, in this line of work, counting counts!”

家紋

“(After visiting a shrine) We just saw the crest of the Imperial Family, the chrysanthemum. Technically, every Japanese family has its own crest, called Kamon. We don’t see them much in everyday life, though—usually only on the back of formal kimono or on family tombstones. Of course, my family has one, too. (Show a picture) Three ginkgo leaves! Do I love this ginkgo tree because it is my Kamon? C’mon! But honestly, I don’t have any special fondness for ginkgo trees.”

ダルマ

“You often see this figurine in souvenir shops: this is a Daruma doll, a traditional Japanese lucky charm modeled after the meditating Bodhidharma, the founder of Zen Buddhism, whose self-righting design represents the spirit of “fall seven times, stand up eight”—an indomitable spirit—so if you value resilience, why not pick one up?”

ゴジラ、観光？

“Godzilla has appeared all over Japan, and interestingly, it often shows up at famous landmarks—perhaps it came not to destroy Japan, but to do some sightseeing: Tokyo, the National Diet Building, Mt. Fuji, Osaka Castle, Nagoya Castle, Mt. Aso, Hokkaido, Yokohama Port, Fukuoka Tower… Godzilla clearly loves visiting famous attractions, so in that respect, it’s just like you!”

カレーライス

“Curry rice is my favorite food. I’ve decided to make this the last food before I die. It is said that ramen and curry rice are two major national foods, and I couldn’t agree more. Interestingly, these two originated in foreign countries, ramen from China and curry rice from India.”

からあげ

“It is fried chicken in our country. It is so popular that karaage shops are seen everywhere. Karaage is cheap, easy to find, and finger lickin’ good.”

お守り、太宰府

“(On the way to Dazaifu) Dazaifu Tenmangu Shrine is a shrine worshiping the god of learning, so many people visit it to pray for passing exams; here’s an Omamori which I bought at the shrine—(show my Omamori)—this is an amulet to pray for passing exams, although I have no plans to take any exams!”

蕎麦

“Ramen and Udon are well known as good Japanese noodle dishes. But there is another one, actually. It’s soba noodles, which are made from buckwheat flour. If you already know and have tried soba, you are a real connoisseur of Japanese cuisine. Traditionally, real soba lovers in Japan drink some sake before eating it. They drink sake, get tipsy, and eat soba. They never eat soba while they are sober!”